


breathe once, twice

by casicastiel (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 05:10:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/casicastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You love him."</p><p>"And what if I do, huh?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	breathe once, twice

They’re finishing up breakfast in the bunker’s kitchen when Sam decides to finally bring it up.

“Hey, Dean?”

Dean grunts in response, standing up to clear the dishes.

“What’s going on with you and Cas lately?”

Dean straightens, stiffens a bit, but doesn’t turn around. “Gonna have to give me a little more to work with here, Sammy.”

“I mean, you’ve been more torn up about him since Purgatory than I’ve seen you get over anyone, ever. I’m just —”

Dean sets the plates down on the counter and breathes deep, still facing away from Sam. “Sam, don’t.”

“You love him.” It’s not an accusation or a question, just a simple fact.

Dean turns round to that, raising his voice, hopelessly, angrily, his back flat against the counter. “And what if I _do_ , huh? What difference does it make now? He’s _gone_ , he’s always gonna be gone, and I’m never gonna know if he’s comin’ back or not!”

“Dean—”

“He always fuckin’ leaves, or dies, or disappears, and it’s been a _month_ , Sammy, and he’s not answerin’, and I —” Dean stops abruptly, his voice threatening to crack, and he turns back to the counter again, bracing himself against it, head bowed, breathing hard.

Sam stands, unsure of anything to say that would even begin to help, and makes his way over to his brother, attempting to offer at least physical support.

Dean speaks again, quietly, and Sam stills. “He told me he wasn’t ever gonna let himself go back to Heaven, that if he ever saw the mess he made up there he was gonna kill himself. _Fuck_ , Sam, I don’t even know if he’s _alive_.”

“Dean.”

Sam tries to put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, but Dean shudders and ducks away. “Don’t.” Dean grabs a washcloth from the drawer and starts water for the dishes, an unspoken signal that it’s time to back off.

Sam leaves Dean washing, and goes to hunt down the ingredients for a summoning spell.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr — http://casicastiel.tumblr.com/post/43679174902/


End file.
